Thursday March 22

Aches. You are back. I missed you.

No, wait. I didn't. Not at all. I was tempted to start taking the meds last night, but figured I should at least wait until they start. And yes, they're back. The useless legs, or slow moving things that don't listen to my mind very well. It's a frustrating thing. Trying to get things done but just seeing it all go slower than what your mind thinks it should be going. Very strange and frustrating moments.

But thankfully I was able to get Lux off to school (using school lunch this week, don't you worry) and has the other 3 dressed in time for Schuyler to come and pick them up. Zane was thrilled to be going to a house that is dominated by boys. As soon as I told him they had 4 boys in their family and so many fun boy toys, he couldn't wait to go. I am surprised he got sleep last night he kept chatting about his soon to be new friends! They came home so happy after playing and were a bit disappointed their play date was over! Everything went smoothly with the kids, because they are just a bit more tender and sweet with me after chemo. They know mama is hurting and are there to help.

It has also helped immensely that I am upfront with the kids. When they ask me to do something and it just isn't possible no matter how hard I try, I tell them. "You know Zane, I can't sit on the floor right now. My bones are hurting me. But I can sit in this chair and you can sit on the chair beside me so I can read you this book." And they get it. They love me even more for it. I get so many snuggles and loves, they just care more and love more. And it is true that kids are just more sensitive to those things. I was so lucky to have cancer with little kids. They give me more life and show me more love. It wasn't a coincidence of the timing.

I spent the day making sure to take the advil between the tylenol and trying to walk around the house to keep my blood flowing. The more I move, the less pain I end up having, although it isn't gone. It's still there just in the background. By the time dinner comes around I am ready to collapse and give up. I'm ready for my stronger meds and some sleeping aid as well. Thankfully, Chayse is able to get the kids bathed and in bed and off to their routine. And I can help out as much as I can, or just sit back and watch. The kids just love me for being there. Having that experience to just feel their love has been incredible. I wish it was for another reason, but there are silver linings in everything. And here is one of mine. The pure love of an innocent child just craving touch and love. They are the best.

Ahh...and finally it is night. 8 pm at least. I made it as long as I needed to. It is time for bed!!