Tuesday November 14

Tuesday Chayse was able to take the morning off. I think we were both in a daze and confused. I slept so well that night because of the emotions and tears and stress that came about. I also decided to start texting a few people that I could think of that were in immediate need to know. I thought of my friends we do regular park dates with. I thought of people my kids come in contact with. I thought of my high school friends that are always there for the highlights of life, and those low ones too. After doing a few messages and getting a flood of love from them, I just became too overwhelmed to continue on. There are only so many tears one can handle, even the ones filled with love. But I received so many messages and calls I knew it wasn't just me who would be fighting this fight.

Then I realized I had no idea what an MRI was, so I started asking and more than I thought had one done. I got a few tips and ideas (blanket, music, 60 minutes of stillness) and I started to feel a bit more in control. It was still completely unknown, but travelers before me have done it, so I can too.

We sent Lux off to school and then got ready to head out. I am very much a routine person and enjoy predictability. I love control. Putting my fingers in all the pots and helping out as much as I can with others. Thinking of myself is just a waste of time and was really starting to make me tear up at any given moment, and not exactly how I wanted to spend the day. Tuesday was about normalcy and then that MRI to get ideas on how to proceed with treatment. So, just like any Tuesday, I went to the gym to do HITT. Zoey came with me while Chayse did a few errands with Zane and Pippa. (Because they were still coughing and I didn't want to deal with more kids!) After that, we took Chayse into work and came home, getting ready for the next activity.

Usually on Tuesday Zane and Zoey have playgroup and they enjoy going. That means for two hours a week I get some errands done, but as today was a sweet appointment, it wouldn't be a very useful time this week. Zane was still lethargic and coughing so they opted to stay home with their Aunt Julianna while I got poked and prodded. (When I got home she was entertaining 7 children between 6&1!!)

So I left just after noon, picked Chayse up, and headed to the old hospital where the oncology wing was. Obviously I wrote things down wrong in my notes and we were a bit late and confused in where we were going. But we made it. I filled out the paperwork and they brought me immediately back. The imaging department were such angels to me. I was assured they were very skilled in IVs and made sure they knew to show my nothing. I am pretty sure I never saw the line the whole hour I had it in. Kari and Mike really took good care of me. I didn't pass out, no throwing up. A few shakes, but otherwise a VERY clean situation.

For the MRI, I laid head down. Thankfully I didn't have to see going into the tunnel and hang out for a while because I have a hunch I am a tad claustrophobic. They offered music through these noise cancelling headphones. But it still sounded like a jackhammer. Couldn't hear the music even after it being turned up. So I just focused on breathing. It didn't take as long as I was told, thankfully about 25 minutes. I finished up my first scan and was able to head out, go with Chayse to pick up some lunch because we keep forgetting to eat, and then make it to Target to find a notebook to start recording all this craziness and still make it in time for Lux's teacher conference I had scheduled for 2:15. That was the best time, I figured, to give Mrs Erikson a heads up for the next few months.

Funny story. Because Monday was supposed to be so productive, I had 4 full loads of laundry that I had washed and dried, ready to be folded that afternoon. I had also offered to Lux's teacher to cut out a few things after their Veteran's Day Assembly on Friday. So when I said I had things to do, they weren't all fun, but it was a get it done kind of day. So when Lux showed me this full bag of laminated sheets she wanted cut out, all I could do was laugh. It started to look like it was pouring! Well, Chayse grabbed us some scissors and we went to cutting the whole lot while watching two episodes of Madam Secretary. It was humorous because I had also offered to a friend to help make a few dozen cookies this week as I thought I "had nothing big going on this week" according to my planner. Oh, the joke was on me!!!