Wednesday, November 15

I was very thankful for things to go back to a normal morning at our house. No appointments until 3!! I did hold onto my phone all morning anticipating a call for a Cat Scan (Or is it CT? I haven't a clue and am too afraid to research!!)  But I got Lux out the door for school, had Zane ready for preschool and the little girls ready to come with me to the gym. We took Zane into school, worried I wouldn't be able to help with pickup (thankfully I have two hilarious neighbor boys that go to the same preschool with Ms Rachel) and went off to the gym assuming I probably wouldn't make it there before getting a new appointment.

Surprise to me, nothing! Until noon!! So we kept going on our normal pace, snacks, naps, play time. Then I began doing some Christmas shopping and present making at the computer and I got a call from imaging. "So when was the last time you ate" "Well, about 10 minutes ago I finished off my baby's half eaten fun size candy bar" "Ohh, you need to be fasting for at least 4 hours for this scan." "Guess I'll stuff my face once I get off the phone then." (Kind and thoughtful, huh?) I find out I need to get this delicious drink to start downing for my appointment 2 hours prior. So, I've got one baby sleeping, waiting for Zane to get home. Hoping that in less than 90 minutes Pippa will wake up and Lux will be home in time for me to head to the hospital pharmacy, get my "berry" chalk drink and starting downing it, head home, drop the kids off to be watched for my nurse navigator appointment and then off to get stuck and scanned...again?

My head was spinning. Just being told what to do at the drop of a hat and rearranging everything with 4 children that are within 5 years of each other. Like, Lux turned 5 and within the next month I had my fourth kid. Keeping schedules is a very important thing for me to keep everyone in line, happy, and organized. I love me an organized life! With that in mind...trying to fit ALL of that in, and complete all that in 4 hours? Impossible. But then I thought to call Kim, my mother in law, to see if she would be of any help. As I am explaining everything and trying to make sense of it all she says, "Can I get the drink for you?" I sat for a minute. Well..that would certainly be very helpful in my situation. Taking four kids into a hospital sounds like the dumbest idea ever. And to get a delicious chalk drink they claim to be berry flavored just doesn't tickle my fancy. But I didn't have any numbers...I should probably start writing those down and saving them in my phone. Instead, Kim set to work and brought her granddaughters Meritt and Blair with her to find this delicious drink.

Hip Hip Hooray! She was able to get it and bring it back to my house. This also allowed Zoey and Meritt to play together for a few minutes and for me to get my head back together and keep working on those said 4 loads of clean clothes that were still in piles. I don't do well with an unkempt house. It stresses me out to see things waiting to be done and makes my patience begin to erase. It was nice to have a few minutes to rush around and take care of as much as possible. At that point Kim suggested she take the kids from my friend Jessica Seal's house around 4:30 to meet their cousins Eyla, Raya, Rockwell, Ruby, Oden and Gordon at the rec center to swim out some of their energy. I said yes, most definitely and hoped we wouldn't be at the hospital for too long before being able to see my fishes enjoying themselves. It has been early out all week because of teacher conferences and it has broken my heart to not do the fun activities I had planned on Sunday. We were going to swim together, go to a handful of parks, hit up storytime and maybe even a night at yogurtland. But these doctors sure do cramp ones style.

Back to the real story. With the help of Kim and McKell (she came by to collect her girls after getting her hair back to looking fabulous) I was able to pack the kids up for swimming, get more laundry put away and have my kitchen put back to normal. It felt nice to leave the house in a more peaceful state. I packed my new notebook up in my purse, along with a folder for my loose papers I figure I'll be getting and started drinking my chalk! I dropped off the kids, traded cars with Kim, headed off to get Chayse for our meeting with Deb, my nurse navigator. She's the one that will help answer questions, translate anything the doctor says to help me better understand, and just be there for me. I found it weird at first, but once my friend Kara explained it all to me, I felt better. And I found out NO NEEDLES for this one! YESSS!! And another bonus, Deb is Kara's nurse navigator for her when she kicked cancer for the third time this year!

Deb was great. We chatted with her and she gave us more details about what could possibly be going on with my tumor. She said it is unusual for the malignant cells to show up in the fluid. It is odd to be growing laterally off my breast tissue. And just about everything else that is happening. So she in confident they will be doing genomic testing once the tumor is removed in surgery. They will be able to see how long it has been growing as well as find the faulty gene and find out if this form of breast cancer I have is hereditary (only 10% are). I am thrilled to be able to do that. She also said radiation and surgery will be apart of my treatment plan. Chemotherapy will be determined by the oncologist and a team that he will be able to collaborate with and get their opinions. And the time length is going to be between 2-7 months with 4 weeks between things for recovery. With all this information I feel a bit more confident in everything. We will see what happens on Monday though. Throughout the meeting I kept on drinking up my chalk and then we headed back to the other hospital (only 7 minutes away but it sure will be convenient when the new cancer building is completed mid summer of next year!! But hopefully I will be done before then and can just admire the beauty as a survivor.)

At the imaging department we were taken back into this huge labyrinth of a wing to get to the waiting area. I am trying to be as up front as I can with all those who help me and keep requesting those with superior skills for the IVs. Sorry. Don't want to be poked twice or this weak one will not be able to get these scans completed. As we were waiting we found "Last Man Standing" on tv. It was so nice to have a few laughs amongst all this seriousness. They took me back and hooked me up. I closed my eyes and did two or three scans, then they put the iodine in the IV for more contrast. (I am eager to actually see these scans.) It entered into the bloodstream and felt a little heavy. Then after a minute I had a warm rush into my pants and it felt like I had wet them! The strangest feeling ever! I did not, in fact, wet my pants, but it sure seemed like it for a few minutes!! The whole thing was over in 5 minutes. Being able to sit back up took a few minutes. I was impressed with how swift she was and the care that she took with me. I was very grateful.

We left the hospital just after 5 and was able to enjoy a delicious meal from Cassie Ames when we arrived home. And an added bonus...without kids!! We ate a warm meal and enjoyed it. I do need to mention that Julianna (my sister in law) jumped up on Monday to bring soup over for us to eat for dinner and helped me figure out next year's health insurance. We figured this isn't going away overnight so that needed to be done soon! We also had dinner on Tuesday from McKell (Chayse's sister) and began to receive some of the most thoughtful things from people. A hand-drawn card from Meritt who every time would squeeze the card and say "Char better". And some beautiful flowers that I hope will never die!!

One thing that has really been stressing me out was what to tell the kids. 4 appointments in one week is unusual and kids notice everything. I just didn't know how to explain why everyone was so concerned for mom and what was such the big deal. I don't want it to be a big deal for them. I want them to enjoy their life and keep growing and not be hindered just because mom has an issue. Then it finally came to me. They get bad guys and we don't want them in our house. We'll shoot them with our big guns, as Zoey would explain. So that's what I said. "Well, mommy has some bad guys in her body and she needs to get help from the doctors to get them out. So they are taking pictures of the inside of my body to see how to get those bad guys out and make mama better." And they get that. During prayers that evening, Zane asked for the "bad guys to get out of mommy's body" and has seemed to give them a decent picture of what is going on. Kids always know when something is up, so you can't hide anything from them. And I can't lie either. I think this was a perfect solution given to me by a perfect Heavenly Father who knows how much we love our kids, and showed us the perfect way to allow their minds to understand and not worry too much.