Friday December 15

Today. I went to the gym. Yes. I did it. The gym. Big day. Mom came with me as the whole month is member appreciation and you can bring someone in for free. It's been great. So we took the two girls with us while Zane and Lux were at school. And I just walked on the treadmill. Watched some Covert Affairs. And I walked. I think it was a mile and a half, took me a lot longer than usual. But I was beyond proud to have made the effort to come (I was planning on Monday coming back) and getting in some decent exercises. I was so afraid to move my arm up and down with those (what I thought were) massive clips in my pitty. Mom also wanted me to clip that safety thing onto me just in case I slipped. And I had very little confidence I could do much today, so I thought it was a great idea.

We then came home with the girls and cleaned up. And by this point I was exhausted and fell asleep for my nap about 11:30 for almost 2 hours. Then Zane was home. We played and read books at home. Then by this time Lux was heading home and it was dinner time. The day just flew by and shocked me how fast it went.

It is also just strange to know how much help I need now. I was such a capable human just a few weeks ago. I did a lot in one day. A lot. The gym, kids to and from, groceries, delivered this to a home, checked in on someone, walked kids across the street, did the homework, baths, dinner, books. And nap time? Yeah, if I didn't get a massive checklist complete of extra things I wanted done like photobooks or organizing this or cleaning that? I would work hard that evening after bedtime for the kids to complete that list. And now I actually need these naps and it takes 2 hours out of my slow-functioning day to do so? And I am supposed to be calling people back? Yeah, not gonna happen. I am so scaled back that it is confusing to me. I am so appreciative of my parents being here, but I still don't really understand how much I need them. It's a very difficult thing for me to grasp right now and it does get frustrating. They stopped their lives for me. They have nothing to do here except take care of us, and I am trying to figure out the balance. It's a hard thing to juggle and truly understand.