Wednesday December 6

Something worth mentioning from Tuesday was family pictures! For Christmas with Chayse's siblings we rotate couples. This year Perry and Julianna had us and wanted us to have some nice family pictures taken. We met Julianna and Heather in the "White Space" in  "downtown St George" (said lightly, or maybe should be the old city or something). I am so thankful for those pictures. About halfway through when I had all four babies hugging me and I am hoping it turned out to be a nice happy picture, I realized this is the last time with all my hair and four sweet babies recognizing their mama. And maybe it will be fine, Pippa will recognize me and there will be no tears. But I am just not imagining that right now. I see my kids a bit confused for their mom and just not wanting to sit by me for a while. But I can't wait to get the pictures back and see the sweetness from my kids and the kindness in their eyes. I know those pictures will be a special spot in my heart in the upcoming months and years.

So, today, Wednesday (I am definitely playing catch-up future me, but still better than not writing down anything) I have 3 appointments. Last minute I decided to email Jilynne to get a tour of the cancer area for the kids to make it more realistic for them.

In the morning I got the kids ready for school with Chayse and sent Lux on her way, followed by Zane. Then off to the gym with the two for some Zumba to get rid of some stress and fears. We came back and I got ready and put the house back in order after the madness of morning rushes. Then my friend Jessica Seal came over to let Pippa sleep and have her boy Ty play with Zane and Zoey. It was going to be a long playdate today. I had an Echocardiogram at 1, then chemo 101 at 3, followed by the tour at 5.

After walking Jessica through the house and giving her the lay of the land, off I went to get Chayse and to the River Road hospital for my Echo. One appointment I was excited for. No needles, just a fancy ultrasound to check out my heart. The A meds for my first 4 rounds of chemo can have long term effects on my heart and we wanted a baseline to see where my heart was at, and if it can even handle the drug. The effects usually occur 20-30 years later, but I'd rather have those conditions in a couple decades and be able to live to that age. It was a very simple test and over after 30 minutes of scanning. Just like at a pregnancy ultrasound I was able to watch everything happen.

Because the scan was so quick, we went to get the car washed and cleaned. I had one last car wash ticket from last Christmas I could use so we rushed over after the monstrosity that happened to our car from the kids last weekend. I have no idea what it looked like before Chayse intervened, but I was appalled at what the cleaned up version looked like. I just don't do well with messes and needed this one dealt with. Thankfully we had some time before meeting my nurse navigator Deb at 3.

In our newly cleaned van we rolled up to the cancer center at the old hospital and met Deb in the library area. We had so much information thrown at us. I felt like we were there for an hour....but it ended up being 2!! I learned about the meds I needed to help with the chemo side effects, the joint pain and side aches and nausea I was abou;dt to encounter and all sorts of other issues. Another big one being hair loss. Not just my head. But EVERYWHERE! I had no idea. But it'll be nice to give my razors a nice big break during this event. Finally, an upside to chemo. Oh, and my nails. I have always loved my nails. They are strong and sturdy and can grow pretty fast. But something will happen to those. I am sad about that one. Oh, and another yuck. I will get a patch that will inject a white blood cell growth aid a 27 hours after chemo to help my white count grow and fight off things to help me with all the colds that are going on around me at this time of year. Akin to a smoking patch, it just seems strange it'll just inject the serum at the right time a day later. That gives some nice joint issues and oddly enough...claritin will help fix that! And then the steps to control nausea. I will just have to keep my pamphlets close by so I don't get them confused.

Another thing Deb said. Eat to help with healing. I feel like this will be difficult. Food will help me heal because it will give energy to the good cells working so hard to fight everything off. I will just try my best to eat what I can, keep the water coming, and just try my best to focus on me. Not so easy saying that to a mom of 4 littles. But if I want to be their mom, this is what it is.

After the 2 enlightening hours, we rushed back home for the kids. Kim met us with the three from Jessica's house (as they traveled to their house for a change of scenery) and Lux rode home with Venice. It is such a blessing to have friends with kids that mine truly enjoy playing with. After prying them away we rushed back to the cancer center for our tour.

It couldn't have gone better. The kids loved it. We saw the rooms we visit the doctor in, the doctors actual office, where the pharmacists will mix up my chemo meds and the room where the infusions take place. The kids loved the chairs to sit in, the warm blankets we could use and the snacks available to patients. And then to top if off, Jilynne took us to her office where they each received the coolest "lunch boxes" stuffed full of Crayola items. Crayons, clay, markers, glitter glue, paints, colored paper and chalk to color on the front of the box. They absolutely love them and where mommy goes to the doctor. It was a good way to open up really talking to them about what will be happening. We were able to give them a good visual to know where mommy goes to get better.

Then waiting on my counter when we got home was a delicious meal from probably our last week of dinner swap with McCall. I am so sad to have to give that up. It was a really nice part of my week that was just torn away from me. I hope in the summer maybe we can start that back up.

We put the kids to bed after dinner and started to relax ourselves after a full day of appointments. Then at 7:59 I got a message from Ashley T saying she'd be late for book club...CRAP! I had completely forgotten!! Good thing I was still dressed and hadn't washed off my face yet. So I grabbed my book for our book exchange and headed to Cassies. I really enjoy book club. Nope, didn't read anything this month because I said I would be in charge and that got a bit derailed last month. It is so nice to talk about other things and see what is happening outside of cancer. It put a smile on my face to see these sweet, kind women and the love and concern we have for one another. We also discussed doing a bachelor night come January, and even if that doesn't happen and we just sit around an ice cream tub instead...hooray. It is nice to look forward to something!

Then about 10 I came home and crashed after a busy day! It'll be just as crazy tomorrow, but I'm just worried about one day at a time right now.