Sunday December 16

Today was a pretty crummy day. I just had very little motivation. Having 2:30 church time is difficult and I am so excited to move to 8:30 church in the New Year. Basically we lay around and play all day, getting a few things accomplished like meal prep, having 5 or so meals and then finally getting dressed and ready to go by 2.

But today I just wanted to do nothing. But that's not helpful so we went on a walk, pushing the two babies in the stroller while the older two stayed home with Mimi and Papa. We made it 20 minutes and the girls were done and ready to go home. So we continued home and dropped them off so we could keep walking and get my blood flowing some more to my achy bones. It took about 60 minutes to go a mile and a half, but we did it. I was very proud of that effort. Extremely slow, but it made my body feel much better to be in the fresh air and sunshine to get a little bit of exercise.

Then a nap came into play, got ready and off to church. I was at a crossroad where I could keep up with my routine, or easily slip away and in a few weeks never want to go back because it is so much easier to not go to church. I decided even though I wasn't completely up to it, I would go for as long as I could. During Sacrament meeting, I felt a little fuzzy and couldn't focus on the speakers. I don't know if we sat too far back, or my eyes were just mad at me. Then I walked in a daze to the 11 turning 12 year olds we teach each week and thankfully Chayse had the lesson, and I have a feeling he will continue to have unless I have a really good week! But through the lesson I was able to get back to normal and head down to Relief Society afterwards and chat a little bit with my mom and some friends in there. I was glad I went.

Generally on Sunday evenings we meet up with Chayse's parents and siblings, but as most of them were sick and had meetings at 6 (we get out of church at 5:30 right now!) we did our own thing. It was nice to stay home and get the kids off to bed at their regular time. A friend, Tara, came over and brought me the comfiest robe and some herbal tea that helps with nausea in case I needed it and a bath bomb. I am so excited to try the bath bomb!!!

It being Sunday, I do want to write down a few of the blessings/miracles that have happened leading up to being diagnosed.

• Chayse has been going to school full time for three solid years. No breaks during vacations, no summers off. Nothing. He finished his last degree October 31. I was diagnosed 3 weeks later. It's a miracle because the last 6 months I was having a hard time with his commitments to full time work, full time school, church responsibilities that took him away from the home. And then wanting to spend time with him and have him play with the kids...it was a lot. But he finished just in time.
• Chayse applied to BYU Law over a year ago and we were planning on moving to Orem and getting that started. Come this past April (we had applied early and should have heard by February) on the day before the deadline to hear, we received word that they wanted Chayse to be admitted but didn't feel is was the right time for him to be there. Looking back, there's no way we could have managed his school load, working with Belle Medical and managing facilitates, and all these appointments in a new area. We have so much support down here that I am now so thankful we were denied.
• The first year with Pippa was a long and hard one. I have usually done well with managing the kids for 6 months and then I get back out of the fog and onto life. But with four kids it took a lot longer. Lux turned 5, and the next month I had 4 kids. Now that she is 1, things have gotten easier in certain aspects and the kids just play much better together. She turned 1 in September and gave me a few months of really great times with the kids in our school routine. I am thankful I had a those months to enjoy before we had to alter life again for cancer.
• Mom had decided to retire at the end of this school year prior to starting. Her being able to have saved 70 paid sick days from school to use up has been a great blessing to help me take care of the kids. Dad is also retired and has been able to help us out and feed us some delicious meals on the days we don't have meals being delivered.

I am trying to look for the miracles and see God's hand in what is going on with us. These things are not coincidental and I am grateful for such a loving God in my life.