Monday December 11

It's come to my attention I have no pictures on this blog. Stay tuned in great anticipation.
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Today was spent getting a few things done I felt like I needed checked off. A last minute leggings purchase for comfort wear and some bits for the kids. I finally stole my sister in laws idea of using hanging shoe racks in the kids' closets for undies, socks and other "important items" that have just cluttered their drawers. Now they can just be for shorts and pants. Now to get that organized?? Maybe I'll save that for mom.

I also made it to the gym this morning but my stomach was so unsettled. I hope it is just from the nerves and not another cold coming through. Not exactly on my list of things to do right now. I wasn't too pleased with the workout, but I came and went, good for me! I am doing alright with letting things go. Carpools from my generous preschool friends, not going into for lunches with Lux as often, centers as well, it's just this adjustment that is nerve wracking for me.

I also made sure my bags (yes, multiple) were packed for Tuesday. Treatments Day #1! I have a bag with things, should I want them. Books, magazine, pad, headphones, mints, water. Just a bag full of love from others so generous to care about me and my family and ease this burden and think of all the holes I had no idea would need to be filled!!! Another "pharma bag" in case I was supposed to take something before treatment. I just couldn't remember. Chayse assures me everything in there is for afterward, but I didn't want the 30 minute round trip drive to slow anything down. And another bag for this nice open front sweater to make it easy to access my port, should I get cold, and a nice blanket as well. I have been showered with wonderful, cozy blankets I never splurge on. So I have been thoroughly enjoying them and snuggling with my kids on the couch with them. Chayse made the comment of us needing to hide any blanket we have and just enjoy these amazing ones!!

As the day wore on, it was just nice to know the waiting period was getting shorter. Anticipation is no good. It just feels like I'm pregnant with my little Lux and just unaware and nervous and scared, a bit excited, but lots of worry and anxiety. That first year came and went, so this is a bit different, but if we could make it through a baby that ate every 2 hours, slept about 3 hours at night and needed constant love...I have faith I can get through most of this. I know I'll have bumps, bruises and permanent scars, but I have always been an optimist. I've always wanted the best. And you truly are the best in all of this. I've always thought, how great it is for "so and so" to have so much loved showered upon them by their loved ones and community. Never did I want to be showered like that. A nice birthday text is really what I'm after. But I am just blown away by so much love and generosity that is really making the difference between being "okay" and "completely depressed". So if you know that these prayers you are offering in faith are working for me...just know that God will do the same for you. One of my hopes from all of this is to allow those wanting to be included on this journey, no matter how long it's been since we've had a laugh, or how brief you were in my life, I want you to see God's hands in your own life and how miracles will happen if we can just sit back and see the good. It is always brought up in church lessons, "how do I know if it's from God or not?" the good thoughts we have of texting someone going through a difficult period or visiting a lonely grandmother across town, or even writting a short note. It's of God. If it is good, God has sent that to your mind and I hope you act on it. I know that is how I am recieving my messages and I am eternally grateful for you to reach out during this phase.